Are you ready for some...

LUPRON??? You didn't really think I was going to say football did you? Yep, started good ole Lupron this am. It doen't hurt at all going in, it just makes me feel a little weird. At least no headache today:) I also started my Folgard (2xday) and L-arginine (3xday) today as well.

J and I took a long bike ride out in the desert. Um, biking was a lot easier when I was 10. I don't remember my ass hurting this bad either! J got me some bike shorts, they help a little, and make me feel like I have 20 maxi pads shoved in between my legs. Fun sensation. Not really figure flattering either!

Tomorrow we are watching the Super Bowl and eating cake. Yes, tomorrow is my last day of being 36. I am tumbling fast and furiously off the cliff of fertility. *sigh* Each birthday, my anxiety grows stronger. Maybe at 40, I can officially give up and move on....nah, probably not!

J is taking me out to a fancy dinner here in a few minutes. It is Roy's Ha.waiin fus.ion. Menu looks super yummy. Thinking maybe mahi mahi and the lava cake dessert. Maybe a rum fruity cocktail too! I just don't know why the pounds don't melt off of me....?

Happy Super Bowl ladies. I thought I would post a pic from when I went to the NFL experience.

I think I make a super hot place kicker! What do you think?

Drugs

Last night after work, J and I headed to Cost.co to pick up my meds. Here is what I picked up:

Folgard
Estace cream
Estradiol pills 2mg
Prednisone 5 and 10mg tablets
Lupron

Total price $81

I paid for the goods and then had a "consult" with the Pharmacist.

She asked if I knew the protocol with my meds and I reassured her that I was a pro at this point.
She asked me if I was happy with the prices and I told her that I was in shock! I told her that the specialty pharmacy "raped us blind" (couldn't hold back the bitterness) and the pharmacist agreed that they are shady and expensive! She then smiled at me and said good luck.

It was hilarious. I have never had a pharmacist comment about any medication I have filled before and here she is wishing me luck in potential pregnancy. Too funny. Glad I wasn't picking up meds for explosive diarrhea or schizophrenia...ha ha ha.

I start the Lupron on Saturday. I am praying for less headaches this time. I plan to stop all alcohol after this weekend. I have to have a beer or two during the superbowl...you know?
I am also mustering the energy to start weaning off the caffeine...the worst part. I should start the acupuncture here soon. I am so lacking the enthusiasm for this cycle. It still feels pretend.
Next week when I am having hot flashes and sticking cream in the lady business, it will most definitely not feel pretend!

FET plan and my mad love of Co.stco!

Hmmm, where to start. I met with the IVF coordinator yesterday and signed all of the peritinant documents. I loved how I had to sign a paper regarding selective reduction being that I only have one embryo to transfer!

She went over my itinerary and medications. I start Lupron 20 units on 2/6/10 which is next Saturday. My first US is on 2/12/10. The next day is when I start a shitload of estrogen both orally as well as in the lady business. I was pretty shocked how much cream is going into my business this go around. Clearly, I will be needing to wear maxi pads so it doesn't look like I wet myself.

My second US is on 2/26/10. If all of that looks good, then progesterone will be added. Again cream and PIO (my favorite). I will start the prednisone a couple of days prior to the actual FET. FET is scheduled for 3/4/10 at 1:00pm. We are all going to pray that frostie survives the thaw.

My biggest news is regarding the medications. You girls have heard me rant and rave about all the bull shit I have put up regarding this. This go around we are try to fill almost everything through Co.stco. I just spoke to the pharmacy tech today and almost crapped my pants and how much cheaper everything is!!! For example, last cycle I paid $200 for the Lu.pron and through Co.stco (and of course properly billing the correct insurance) I am paying $7. Can you freakin believe it???? I actually started laughing. She apologized that the Es.trace is going to be $35.
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH *side splitting laughter*

It was kind of sweet today when I went into Cos.tco to check on the status of everything. The Tech asked me if this was my first cycle. I said no. She said second? I said no. She said third?
I said yes. She said that she has been TTC for 18 years and has finally come to the conclusion that she will not be carrying a child. She has decided that she will try to adopt an older child in the near future. I told her that that was great and I wished her the best of luck. There is something about infertility that makes us overshare sometimes, to perfect strangers although, they don't feel like strangers when you have undergone the same terrible war. You know?

I will get all of my drugs on Monday. Did any of you experience any side effects from the estrogen pills and/or creams? I was assured that I won't have the headaches I had when I was on the stims. I have to say just starting the BCP, I have been experiencing headaches. and the face breakout....my poor skin hates me! Of course, going out and partying with my girlfriends until 2am last night probably didn't help things!!! Last hurrah before I quit the alcohol. A girl has got to do what a girl has to do!

Getting things started in here

I started my period yesterday. Yay for me. I swear it always falls on a day I am in surgery! So then I stand all day miserable praying for the pain to go away, dreaming of my heating pad. I took a little too much A.dvil yesterday and got kind of sick to my stomach. I had to sit down during one of the cases briefly and let the feeling of passing out/puking subside! Don't you all wish you had a period as fun and special as mine?

I called the IVF coordinator to let her know it is cycle day 1. She wants me to start BCP this Wednesday night. I already picked them up from the pharmacy. I have to meet with the coordinator this Friday to sign forms and go over the medication schedule. She also said I have to repeat ALL of the labwork that was required before IVF#1. Supposedly, they have to have this blood drawn every year, even if it is a day past one year, they make you repeat it.

I find this rule very annoying! How many freakin times do I have to be checked for STD's, HIV, Chlamydi.a, etc? I am in a monogamous relationship with my husband! I don't have anything....nothing has changed from a year ago. Except my frustration level is potentially higher!

So, I am praying that my insurance will pay for this round of labs that cost $14oo. I plan to get all of the done on Friday as well. I don't mean to whine, I am just so tired of repeating the same labwork over and over again. It seems like such a waste of time...I know, I know, shut up Jay and play along!

Tonight J and I went to the gym and sat in the hot tub. It was the first time I have let him sit in a hot tub in a long time! The beauty of FET, it doesn't matter if he cooked his swimmers tonight! How great is that?

So, we are starting to get things going here for FET#1. Please God, let my one little frostie survive the thaw! Please God, let all of this aggravation be worth it!!!

We have a date

Yes, we have a date for FET 2010.....I'm sorry, I am distracted by this freak on American I.dol wearing small mirrors on his face....WTF??? Who are these short bus peeps???

Anyways, we are scheduled for Thursday, March 4th. I will take off work that day and Friday for some good ole fashioned bed rest. I don't know if that has really made in the difference in the past...Ok, enough with the negative thoughts!

I seriously love the IVF coordinator who called me back. She is detailed and friendly which is hard to find in today's healthcare! She had already called in my refill for Met.formin which was nice. Yeah, I have stayed on the met because, starting and stopping that drug is BRUTAL. I decided to just stay on it so I did not have to go through another 2 months of wanting to poop my pants.

So, I am to call the clinic when I start my period which is due any day now. That is when I start the BCP. Yay, for BCP's....zits and sore boobs. Speaking of zits, I have a gnarly one growing under my left nostril. You know the kind, the one that you remotely touch and tears spontaneously spring out your eyeballs. I am going to tackle that bad boy tonight with a needle.
My name is Jay, I am 36 and I still break out....Shit!

Melancholy

I am in a serious state of sadness today. My favorite football team choked against a certain NY team yesterday. I know this is silly, but my team was on an 11 game winning streak. It was one of the few things that could take my mind off things and make me happy. Well, that's gone....sniff sniff.

So, this weekend my BFF was in town. We have been best friends since the 6th grade. We were roommates after college for 3 years in San Di.ego. We have seen each other through everything.
Periods, boyfriends, breakups, moving, careers, etc. Thankfully, she is only in LA and it isn't that expensive to fly to see each other.

She was going to come out right after IVF failure #2, which was so sweet, but it didn't work out. I appreciate that she was willing to come out even knowing that I was in tears and in a full state of pity party. It was just as well, I really just needed some time alone. I know you girls have all been there.

So, my BFF and I had a great weekend. She made me 2 "mixed tapes" on CD, which was super fun! We got sushi Friday night, went to a wine bar on Saturday, and got massages. Sunday we went for a long hike. It was nice to have her here to talk to. Someone who knows you better than yourself.

She mentioned to me that I seem melancholy. I thought I was being fairly upbeat. I guess there is an underlying sadness that is shining through. I told her that you can't go through all of this infertility bullshit without some serious scars. I hate that IF has changed me and taken some of my happiness along with it.

I called the clinic today to schedule my FET. I had to leave a message with the IVF coordinator.
I'm sure she'll call back tomorrow. It is crazy how nervous I still get making the call. I KNOW that the FET will be a walk in the park, but I am just so scared to be on those drugs again and the possible heartbreak. I will be positive when the time comes, it's just all of the blogs that have done FET and been successful, have transferred 2-3 blasts. My situation is one lonely little embryo. Can it work? Will it stick? Or will it choke like my beloved football team....

Confession

So, I did something crazy last April. I was dealing with a lot of emotional upheaval from the IVF failure and my dog being really sick. At that time a patient of mine had just seen a psychic. I know, I know...this is why is has taken me so long to come clean about this.... So, my patient said that she really thought this guy was legitimate. He predicted several things about her grown sons that came completely true. It completely piqued my interest, so she brought in the psychic's business card.

I asked J if this could be my late birthday present. He agreed and called to set up an appointment. This guy is very popular and I had to wait a month and a half to see him! The closer I got to the appointment, I got kind of nervous. What was he going to tell me?

The day came, and he actually does readings at his home. I walked in and sat down on a couch. He was sitting directly across from me with a coffee table between us. He was very friendly and got right to it. He immediately told me that he sensed that I was a "healer". He has no personal information on me. I did tell him after, that I worked in medicine.

He also said that I have had to work very hard for everything that I have and have accomplished. He was talking and then stopped mid sentence and said, "you are going to get a new dog this year." That kind of gave me goosebumps....We knew we would get another dog after B dog passed, but he didn't!

I finally asked him about children. Because, CLEARLY, this is why I had come! I told him that we were having some trouble conceiving (understatement of the century). He told me that he saw me having a child within a year. He said that it would be a son. I asked him if my pregnancy would be a result of medical intervention. He paused, and said that he wasn't sure if the intervention would result in pregnancy, but that I needed to go through it to get my body right. He also felt that they were "missing a test" with my husband. He did say that he saw me with 2 children.

He also had some other predictions that I have a hard time believing. Like, getting a job offer and moving back to CA. Um....my house is worth a butt load less than what we paid for it, we aren't going anywhere for a while!!!

After he told me that there was a test missing with J, I made the appointment with the urologist.
And, sure enough, there were some things the urologist has caught that the RE did not. I have discussed this stuff on previous posts.

I know the psychic thing is hokey, and I am not usually in to these things, but desperate times call for desperate measures!

So, here I am. It is January and no baby. Is the FET going to work? I am going to call the RE office this week and set up the FET for March. I just don't feel like having a crummy birthday again and not being able to celebrate it (It is in February, and yes I am turning 37, and yes, I will need alcohol to cope on that day!).

Do you think less of me for doing such a crazy thing? The guy could be completely full of crap, but he sure was convincing. Or, maybe I wanted to be convinced? The mind is a funny thing....
Don't need a psychic to figure that out, huh?